Flashback Fiction: Harrowing Aftermath


Kinloch Hold, Dragon 9:30 

Mara stared at the surface of the desk, tracing the grain of the wood with her fingers. She brushed a stray lock of hair from her eyes. She flinched seeing the stark white tresses in her hand. She sighed. From the corner of her eye, she saw the unmistakable shape of a Templar standing guard by the door.

A rustle of robes and heavy footsteps drew her attention to the figures walking into the room. Mara sunk down into the chair, trying to make herself as small as possible. It had only been a couple days since her Harrowing but she had only been awake for a few hours.

“Mara--” Irving started.

"Am I in trouble?” she squeaked out. She felt her heart racing in her chest. She wanted to run with it.

“What precisely is the nature of your relationship with Templar Cassius?”

Mara twisted the lock of hair between her fingers.


----------------------------

Kinloch Hold, Dragon 9:29, Drakonis 10

Mara stood on her tip toes trying to shove the book on the shelf. Just when she was about to go look for a ladder or chair, someone stepped behind her and placed the book. She spun around and found herself face to chin with a Templar. She jumped back and hit the back of her head against the shelf behind her.

"Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to startle you. Apprentice Mara, right?" He stepped back, giving her room. She rubbed the back of her head. He seemed familiar. He usually was on guard in the library late in the evening.

"Yes, ser," Mara mumbled. "I'm fine. I just need to--" Her voice trailed off as suddenly the room spun. Before she could get her bears she felt herself being moved to a chair.

"Shh Shh Shh. Just sit there for a moment, you must have hit your head a little hard. Let me get some water." He gestured for her to stay seated.

Mara murmured something and made a gesture. "I am fine. Thank you, Ser Templar."

"How?"

"Magic?" She tilted her head to the side, studying him ."I know you. Rather, I've seen you. You're always here late, aren't you?"

He smiled sheepishly. "It is the only time I get some time to myself. What's your excuse?"

"I know the feeling. It's why I volunteer for this duty."

He smiled again. "I'm Cassius."

"Mara. Right. You knew that. Hi." She blushed. "I... better finish straightening up. Thank you."

Fiction Flashback Fun: Please be good, and don't you forget me


Kinloch Hold, Dragon 9:18, Kingsway 30

Mara closed her eyes as the brush passed through her hair. It felt very soothing. She had trouble sleeping (again) so she slipped into Jenna's bed. Jenna had a bottom bunk, so she pinned sheets around the bed transforming it into a tent. The makeshift tent had the added benefit of keeping Jenna's light wisp from disturbing the other apprentices sleeping nearby. Mara had gotten into the habit of slipping into Jenna's bed whenever she had trouble sleeping. Jenna always told the best stories.

"... But then one day the wicked witch discovered that Rapunzel was with child. She was absolutely furious. She had thought she took every care to keep Rapunzel from the outside world but somehow it was not enough. Furious, the witch chopped off Rapunzel's glorious hair and took the girl far away, abandoning her in a strange unfamiliar land," Jenna said, her voice gently rising and falling dramatically. 

Jenna stopped brushing Mara's hair and spun her around to look into her eyes, making her best angry face. "The witch said to Rapunzel, 'You have disappointed me for the last time, girl. I have given you everything you could desire and this is how you repay me?'"

"Although she was so very scared, Rapunzel bravely met the witch's gaze. 'You have given me everything but freedom.'" Mara said, adopting the role of Rapunzel.

"'Well, it is freedom you want, it is freedom you shall have,' the witch cackled. And then in a puff of dark smoke she was gone, leaving Rapunzel alone and lost." Mara's eyes widened. She opened her mouth to ask a question when a deep voice penetrated their world.

"Apprentice Jenna, it is time for your Harrowing," the voice stated without inflection. Jenna frowned then smiled nervously, seeing Mara's worried expression. 

Jenna took a deep breath and hugged Mara. "Relax, Duckling. It will be a piece of cake. Be good. I'll be back before you know it."

"You promise?"

"Of course. You can even stay here and wait for me," Jenna said kissing her on the forehead. "Besides, we have a story to finish. Now go to sleep, duckling."


------------------

The following morning when Mara awoke, Jenna has still not come back yet. She hurried to the washroom to get ready for breakfast and classes. Throughout the day, whenever Mara had a few moments to herself, she came back to check if Jenna was back yet. After wolfing down her lunch, Mara came back to discover a couple of Tranquil mages putting Jenna's things in a box.

"Hey! Don't touch that! What are you doing? Where's Jenna?" Mara demanded snatching a barrette from the Tranquil's hand.

"Apprentice Jenna did not pass her Harrowing," the Tranquil replied in a calm voice. The woman's empty voice and relaxed smile infuriated Mara.

"So? Can't she redo it? I redid my herbalism test!" Mara squawked shrilly. One of the Tranquil regarded Mara for a few moments, while the other finished gathering the things into the box.

"The Harrowing is final," she said simply.

"So they just send her away without saying goodbye or anything?" Mara crossed her arms angrily. The box was packed and the thin mattress was rolled neatly to await the next apprentice to be assigned to that particular bed. Their task completed, the Tranquil turned to leave.

"We cannot answer questions about the Harrowing," the Tranquil said walking away. Mara started to follow but Anya cut her off. Anya smiled cruelly.

"She's dead," Anya said simply. "We're not supposed to know that, of course. But it's true."

"Liar!"

"Why would I lie when the truth would hurt you much more? Fox saw them carrying the body." Mara punched her in the stomach and ran off.



------------------

Mara's stomach growled. She pulled her knees up to her chest. When the Enchanters found out she had been fighting again, they sent her to bed without dinner. She frowned, wiping her eyes with a sleeve. Now, she could not sleep again and there would be no stories to make everything okay. She still clutched the wooden barrette tight in her hand. She looked up as she felt a tugging on her robe. Another girl, just a little younger stood by her bed. She could not have been much older than seven.

"Hi," the girl said shyly. "I couldn't sleep. I was wondering if you knew the rest of the story about the girl with the hair." She mumbled her word and stared down at her hands fidgeting. Mara stared at her for a few moments. She wiped her eyes again.

"You were listening?"

The girl nodded. "A few of us were..."

Mara paused. "Well. I suppose I could." She gestured for the girl to sit on the bed with her. Mara sifted so she was sitting cross-legged. She affected Jenna's demeanor. "So, where did we leave off, Duckling?"

"Why call me 'Duckling'? My name is Carla."

Mara smiled, giving her the same answer Jenna always gave when Mara asked the same question. "Because I like lost things."

"That doesn't make sense."

"It's not supposed to."

Fiction: Flashback


Kinloch Hold, Dragon 9:18, Kingsway 13

The darkness was suffocating. Mara pulled the hood off her face and swung her arms around in the small space. She could feel fabric ripping as it fell around her. She squinted through the tiny crack of light. She could see hands holding the doors shut. She kicked at the doors.

Where am I? They grabbed her when she was coming out the kitchen. They threw the hood over her head. Then they spin her around until she was dizzy and carried her up some stairs. Finally they shoved her in this small space. A closet, maybe? But where? And why didn't any of the Templars see anything or stop it?

"Hurry up! We can't hold it much longer," one of the boys whined. Mara kicked as hard as her ten year old body would let her to no avail.

"Finished. Now she's locked away like a good little maleficar!" a girl's voice taunted. Anya. That meant the boys were probably Alain and Fox, her prefered lackeys.

It had only been a few weeks since Mara had recovered from her fever. Just long enough that some of the other apprentices decided that she was an easy mark. Mara clenched her fists tight. She ignored the sparks of pain as her fingernails dug into her palm. She refused to cry. She would not give them the satisfaction.

It had not started like that. When the healers first released her into the dormitories, the other apprentices were mostly curious. There were so many rumors about the half dead mage child. At first the questions were innocent but then some of the other children started to get malicious. Anya was the worst of the lot. Mara kicked at the doors again. It wasn't fair. It wasn't her fault she couldn't remember.

"Let me out!" Mara demanded.

"Not until you tell us who you are, maleficar," Anya replied.

"I'm not a maleficar!" Mara yelled back.

"Quiet down before the Templars hear you," Fox warned.

"Who are you?" Anya demanded. "Maybe she's a Tevinter? Aren't Tevinters pale and sickly like her?"

Mara banged on the doors. She knew what Anya wanted to hear. She could feel her heart thundering against her ribs. She needed to get out. "Let me out!"

"Say it!"

"No!"

"Say it and we'll let you out."

"No."

"Suit yourself. Let's go, boys."

"Wait! Don't leave me!" Mara squeaked, panicking. She kicked the doors more frantically.

"Then say it," Fox said. They started chanting "Say it" over and over.

Mara took a deep breath. "Fine. I'm nobody," she muttered.

"I'm sorry. Could you say that a little louder? I didn't catch that." Mara could hear the smugness dripping off Anya's voice. Mara claws at the heavy fabric hanging around her in frustration.

"I said: I'm nobody. Now please let me out!" Mara yelled. Her cry was answered with laughter.

"If there's nobody in there, then there's nobody to let out!" Anya taunted. The boys laughed harder. Mara imagined ripping each and every perfect blonde curl from Anya's head.

"What's going on here?" a new voice demanded. The trio fell silent. "Who's in the wardrobe?" Jenna?

"Nobody," Anya replied. Mara could practically hear the impudent little smirk.

"Open it." As the doors opened, Mara launched out of the wardrobe. She knocked Anya to the ground and wrapped her fists in the girl's hair, yanking hard. Anya shrieked in pain. Mara ignored the girl's shrieks and kept pulling her hair. She didn't even stop when she hear the tell-tale clank of armor approaching.

"STOP," a baritone voice commanded.

Mara relinquished Anya's hair and stood up, shaking a couple clumps of hair off her hands. Mara and Anya stood facing the cold helm of a templar. They both immediately took a keen interest in the ground before them. Mara smirked slightly at the bits of Anya's hair on the ground. Alain and Fox did their best to look innocent. Jenna stood slightly apart from the knot of young apprentices.

"What is the cause of this disturbance, elf?" the templar asked Jenna, the only other adult.

"Just some childish games, ser Templar," Jenna lied, bowing politely. "The girls were having a tickle fight that got out of hand. I came along just moments before you did to stop it."

"I see."

"It's really a small matter, nothing that need be reported," Jenna continued. "No one's hurt. All good fun. Right, girls?" Mara and Anya nodded quickly. The templar stared at the group for a few minutes.

"Oh all right. My shift's almost over anyway. All of you clear out of here, you shouldn't be in the Senior Mage quarters anyway," the Templar relented. Anya and the boys scampered out the room immediately. Jenna took Mara by the wrist and as soon as they were out of the Templar's sight, she pulled her into another room. She knelt down to Mara's level.

"Alright, now what really happened?" Jenna asked.

"I didn't do anything. They grabbed me and put me in the closet and wouldn't let me out," Mara blurted. "I'm gonna burninate Anya's face!"

"You know the rules, Mara," Jenna said in a warning tone. "No fighting with magic."

"I know... Maybe I can have an accident during training."

"Mara." Jenna crossed her arms, giving Mara a stern look.

"Fiiine. She used magic to lock me in the closet though," Mara said stubbornly. Jenna chuckled, tousling Mara's hair. Mara smiled. Jenna was the closest thing to a big sister Mara had.

"It'll get better, duckling. They're just jealous that you're getting so much attention. It'll pass."

"They say I'm nobody."

"Are you kidding? You're Mara, the most amazing little duckling I know," Jenna teased. "Ignore them. It doesn't matter what they say you are. They're just bullies. All that matters is who you believe you are. Who are you?"

"I don't know."

"Well you better get that figured out quick, duckling. Once you know who you are, they won't be able to touch you. Now come, let me show you a light wisp trick..."

On Lessons, Missions and Terrible Elves

Maker-knows-where, Dragon 9:31


I am still trying to make sense of things.

I believe I've worked things out with K. Hopefully. Giving her "Magic Theory" lessons. More practice. She is teaching me to sew. This is ruining my reputation.

So Seekrit mission... They couldn't choose an easier task? Honestly? Perhaps Barr is correct in the expendable assessment.

Still trying to figure out J, S & the others. There are a lot of pieces. Just need to figure out the order.

I am fairly certain the elves have made it their mission to drive me insane. Especially, Zarath. Two favors now. The elves are a terrible, cruel people.

Things I am not fond of: Being underground, climbing ropes, spiders, Angry spirits, surprise group baths, demons, maleficarum...

The Chantry Mother's remains were laid to rest. It's funny. I never even saw a dead body until everything went wrong. Now they are everywhere. I was going to turn the journal over to the Chantry but the text mentions the tunnels. I would not want to reveal the existence of the tunnels to them. I have concerns. If the place is known, people will loot or tear it apart until there is nothing left. That would be unfortunate.

The tomb... I choked in the fight with the spirit and then let my anger get the best of me. No one noticed. Or if they did, they haven't said anything. Not sure if I should be thankful or concerned at the lack of an after action report. Either way, I will have to train harder. Can't let that happen again.

V chastised me for taking rubbings at the tomb. It's not like there is a possibility I might have access to resources unavailable to him to help decipher the writing or anything. Or have archival experience. And I definitely would not have any interest to learning anything. Nope. I just want to get my dirty human hands on everything and tear it apart. It's what I do, apparently.

Debt Tally:
Z - 2 Favors
Kyn - 1 Favor
D - 1 Favor
V - 1 Question

Nothing owed to me yet. I need to figure out a way to balance the ledger. And a Foodle. I want a Foodle. I'll name it Mini-Zarath.

Margin notes



Pattern. Focus. Repetition. Order.

Traveling again


(OOC: Mama's Broken Heart)


Vimmark Mountains, Dragon 9:31


Every action must have purpose. Every inaction also. Nothing wasted. On the field, there is no time for waste.

I still strongly dislike doing dishes. Unfortunately, it far more difficult to "accidentally" destroy them since we must depend on the supplies we bring with us. However tempting that might be. I suppose I can take comfort in that there are far less dishes to be done here than at Kinloch. Not really.

Still not resting well. These people are still not known to me. Most of them I can trust to fulfill their roles but there is still a significant disconnect. The quiet is somewhat stifling. As apprentices we always complain about being on top of one another and rarely getting privacy but the moment we are disconnected we are lost. I never thought I would miss Niall's snoring or our secret war. He was supposed to be an Enchanter too. I miss our spirited debates. It is not the same with Finn.

Camping is -- an experience. I would not say a pleasant one. It's dirty. There are insects. It is damp and cold. No warm baths or facilities. I do not understand V's fascination with this lifestyle. I'll take a warm feather bed with a roaring fire any day. At least the Tranquil wrote out instructions for that tent.

D is a terrible Orlesian. He is completely failing to live up to the degree of arrogance I'd expected from my readings. Amusingly, I am giving him lessons in Arcane theory. Good practice at teaching, I suppose. I could have a lot of fun with this. I think he would respond best to a very formal teaching style. I wish I'd brought books I hadn't written all over with me. Some of my notes are not meant to be shared. Perhaps I can borrow some texts from the Circle at Ansburg since we are apparently passing through.

At the campfire

(OOC: No One Knows Who I Am)
Dalish Camp, Sundermount, Dragon 9:31


I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?


What is a family? I envy my companions. It's a terrible thing to say. But it is true. At least they have something more. Me? I am a ghost.

I can trust most of them, I think. There are still a few I am uncertain of. I still hate it here.

Pretending to be outgoing is wearisome. I'd rather bury myself in the stacks researching something obscure.

What am I? Without the Circle, what would I be? Very likely dead. Hard to say when everything familiar is a construct of the Circle. Perhaps it is true that I am only what I am.

What am I to believe? If the Circle is as broken as they say, then it must be fixed. I must figure out where it is broken and how to fix it. I cannot abandon it. If it isn't as broken as they claim, then something makes them believe it so. If it is all a lie, then what is the point? What purpose do I serve if not for the Circle?

Leaving Kirkwall

(OOC:  Smile)
Kirkwall, Dragon 9:31

Progress gained and progress lost. My attempts to understand my companions are met with failure it seems. Perhaps I did get a bit defensive and lashed back. I tried to excuse myself but couldn't leave. Warden's orders. Trapped by people proclaiming the importance of freedom. Very interesting.

Then I realized Kyndaria is just lashing out like Geoff did when he first came to the Circle. He turned his pain into a weapon as she has done. Hopefully, she can learn to turn it into something else. Until then, she is a flame. One day the fire princess will learn that everyone has pain. Her pain is just as important as everyone else's. 

As for everyone else... I feel terrible for Donegal. His failures seem to mirror my own. He wears his pain as a mask. Very Orlesian, as I understand. Tyrion seems likeable enough. I got tripped up in his game. Dwarves and princesses. I suppose it could have been much worse. Valandir frightens me. He reminds me of U. sometimes. He has sharpened his pain and honed it into a real blade. While Kyndaria strikes blindly, Valandir uses his blade with precision.

I have not interacted enough with Barrendis, Rimgar or Kat to truly form an opinion. I was rather confused by Kat's decision to charge into battle. And then when everyone discussed their skills, she did not participate. This raises a number of concerns.

I need to figure out where the line stands with Barrendis. He is too quiet to pin down. I can't read him.

Zarath is certainly a skilled mage. Bitter but I like him well enough. He wears his pain as armor. It would take work to get through but I am quite curious about Dalish arcane theory an how it differs from Circle teachings. 

Kirkwall is a terrible place.

As much as I long to return home, I must see this through. I cannot return with the shame of failure. That and I'm not quite ready to go back yet. When will my memories of home stop being stained with blood?

I shall have to content myself with imagining the First Enchanter's reaction if babies were allowed in the Tower. As if impish apprentices aren't enough!

Maybe far away or maybe real nearby...



Kirkwall, Dragon 9:31, Justinian

So. I might have a friend, maybe. Well at the very least I don't think she hates me anymore. That's progress, right?

Maybe, it isn't so terrible being here after all.

Found out some information about her father. It will be a great adventure -- for her -- when she finds him. I know I shouldn't be excited about a rogue mage escaping the Circle and possibly killing a man. But O did not believe that report and I do not think he'd lie about it. At the very least the rogue mage had Circle training so in theory he should have a better handle on his powers than others, yes?

I'm just so excited -- for her. The possibility of reuniting with her father and reconnecting her family. It will be just like a storybook! For her, of course.

Maybe.

(OOC: Maybe)

Letter: Regarding Kirkwall: To Sir, With Love


Kirkwall, Dragon 9:31, Justinian

First Enchanter Irving,

Kirkwall is not a safe place. There are far more Tranquil than there should ever be. If it is possible to have some of the apprentices from Kirkwall transferred to the Tower, please do so. First Enchanter Orsino does his best, I'm sure. But what chance do they have facing the Harrowing if they are afraid of their own shadows?

I ran into Cullen. He is doing well. Much calmer than when he left Kinloch Hold. He is now second to Knight-Commander Meredith. I did not meet her. Nor do I think I would want to.

First Enchanter Orsino is a good man. He obviously cares a great deal for his charges. He will be sending some resources to the Tower. I mentioned that we lost some of our library in the incident. I hope that is okay.

I might have reached a truce with at least one of the Apostates. Maybe. Yes, I am being careful. None of them have gone maleficar yet so maybe it will be okay. If not, at the very least I can help protect everyone else.

I still miss home. Very much. Enclosed please find some treats and trinkets for the others. The merchants assured me that these are the finest goods in all of Thedas, which is why they had to add a premium fee. It might be a bit before I can send more things. (Unless, of course, I were to receive a larger stipend.)

There is some confusion regarding my role with the Wardens. They are under the impression that I am to join them. Please clarify this. Grey Wardens are forever. Forever is a very long time to be away from home.

-Mara